So Long, 2014

New Year means we could just leave the previous faltering year behind and start anew. I'm leaving it dragging my foot because I realized it's been a pretty good year for me after doing a mental review of all the big moments that deserve to be put into writing, if not remember.

If the Mayan calendar advised us that the world would end on December 2012, I might suggest it to happen on 2013 instead because the last days of it has given me so much to ponder. However, without completely saying goodbye to it, I embraced 2014 wholeheartedly and if the expression "this is my day" can be compared to the figures of a year, then I might as well claim that 2014 is my year.

I dared, for all my life's newest adventures, I just dared. I went places, I ran the extra miles, I pleased myself in all aspects - spiritual, physical and emotional. When it's always best to use my head instead of my heart, I did the opposite - I loved people who love me, I worked as if I won't be able to the next day, I bought things I am convinced I will be happy to have and for the most part, I procrastinated, doubted and regretted. Yet the better version of me this time is that I don't take shitty things overnight anymore. The moment I wake up, I don't bother over yesterday's mess because I have learned that we don't fret on the past just because. Period.

And damn, I've never been this happy.

One of the gifts I received last Christmas was a rosary. I started the year praying it every travel time on my way to work and I depended on it like the weight of my sins would be based on whether I prayed it right without missing a Hail Mary or without falling asleep. I would like to believe that it took all the decisions I made into care and I acknowledge that all my victories happened because of that one, single deed of prayer everyday. I can witness that if you begin your day with that, you can face and challenge life as crazy as what it decides to throw at you, at any cost.

I remember I sleep at night with the thought that I want to wake up early if life decides to surprise me big time. Maybe if you become passionate about living, the anticipation of facing another day would come out naturally. You will love every waking hours and will be saddened about sunsets. In the year that has passed, I've discovered that the easiest way to live is to get out of your usual delivery of things and put yourself on another person's perspective and it's only then that you will see how I knowingly pronounce how to live life to the fullest, with the head of a king but with a heart of a queen.

The dreams on my list were one by one slashed off and if I were to list unnecessary people that need to be erased in my life too, I would have wasted a paper to write them on in the first place. I use a simple equation of do more of what makes you happy, anything that doesn't, you eliminate - may it be people or possessions.

So wake up with a high spirit today without leaving the past year at all. We don't really unlove things and people just like we can't undo our wrongdoings, bad decisions and stupidity. Don't rely much on the articles of Huffington Post or Thought Catalog or Elite Daily because we may breath the same air but we certainly don't have the same life. Remember that life doesn't have a manual and you just figure things out yourself.

This write-up doesn't intend to teach you about life but perhaps make you believe that everything matters from this sentence on because you'll reflect now on what to do next, to the point of thanking me.

Go ahead.

My kind of dream of a clean LQ

I hope I don't get you male species emotional if you can somehow relate to my imagination.

***

"No goodnight hug and kiss again tonight, Honey?" 

That is me baby talking my wife. 

"Baby, please talk to me... Huhu. :("

And that's how I get desperate for her attention. I just couldn't bear the fact that aside from she's mad at me for the reason we've been dealing for God knows how many times in our life together since boyfriend-girlfriend era, I can't sleep with her back on my face. I just want to hug and kiss her goodnight, that's it. And settle my sin the next day. I'm sure she would forgive me at a random time I can guess.

I tried to hug her from behind until she surrenders. 

Ooopps. Wrong move.

***

It's not that I cheated on her or had a one night stand with a prostitute I met in a bar. I don't even go partying like that and my eyes are intended only for my lovely wife. Of all the reasons of our fight, this very reason of her silent treatment tonight is probably the easiest to deal with, the fastest for her to forgive but not entirely forget and the one that I cannot stop from happening. It's not even shameful to admit. I just well, according to her, replied to her sms 6 times only in my 1 hour lunch break, that would vary on a 6-10-minute gaps before she had her eyes on my very message. Fuck network. Fuck my ringtone. I mean, fuck who invented silent mode. And with that, fuck my ears and sense of vibration. Fuck my fingers for their pace. I guess I'm such a bad ass slow responder. Fuck, fuck, fuck.

With these she would rant: "Still busy on your lunch time eh? Well then go and get yourself busy as a demon in hell with Satan!!!" 

Of course, I exaggerated it because as calm as she may sound in her sentiments, those were the words I hear through my ears. Or I'm just a guilty, shitty husband. 

When she's not in her witchy woman self, she would just meow like a kitten with these words: "Yeah right. You just don't miss me that much. I KNOW. Go to work. Just message me if you want." Message sent attached with all the guilt you can hold, of all the crimes committed in the world. SWALLOOOWWW EEETTT!!! 

Damn. Like I miss you every number in the clock plus the fingers of all the living things could tell. Truth. 

***

The weather is cuddly tonight. In our silence, I am thankful this is not so serious, like the end of my existence in her life. This I consider as our way of spicing up our relationship a bit, a sort of undergoing getting to know you stage once again because I had to make myself good in her eyes for the most part, secretly promising her I will be a better partner. I can't wait for her to face me, to see her flash a smile of mischief that means I have the attitude of a toddler and she'll be so motherly for holding my face. Pinching my nose and tickling my ribs as my penalties for acting such behavior. Then she would kiss and hug me, and tell me she loves me a million hundred times. And then I can sleep with a happy heart. If she's game, we would end the night without our clothes on. *Wink

I would never forgive myself if I hear her silent sobs because that would mean a dangerous love quarrel. Thank heavens it's not something like that tonight.

***

I hugged her again and she didn't move. I kissed and smelled her newly-shampooed, damp hair. God, she smells sooo good. 

"I love you... Please forgive me Babe..."

She switched position, now facing the ceiling. I know any moment now we would be giggling again and be sweet love birds like we just got married this morning. She has not removed my arms in her tummy and I figure out she'll be in her 'hear my lecture you jerk, I love you' speech. And that would make me smile so wide. I so love that part.

For the serious parts of our duel, I'm still confident our relationship would not end to throwing marriage certificates in the trash bin of annulment. Because for all I know, we never ever insulted each other during these hard times. We never shouted words like 'bitch!', 'asshole!' and every goddamn name-calling and we never raised our voices. She didn't have to break a plate or vase or slam the door while my fingers are on the edges of it or shave my mustache up to my skin flesh or kick my balls to her anger. Neither I cheated nor even flirted or get myself a fling with a slutty, headache-source someone and I believe she did the same because we respect each other. She never threaten me of packing her bags or walking away making me an old bachelor for the rest of my life or frighten me by sending me to home for the aged after our future kids have their own lives or the worst of all, leave me with my no-one-knows-but-me-and-God death. Nothing like those kinds of UFC fights or wrestling. Those kinds that would scare me out of my wits, run for my life and make me go back to my mom's cradle. If one of these ever happened to me, I would not even oppose if someone would lock me up in a mental hospital. Just send me there or kill me now or I'll commit suicide or both. Double kill for the win. I'll be like the poor guy in The Man Who Can't Be Moved but my version will be, I'm the DEAD man who can't be moved. Argh!

Yet I'm talking about serious stuff here as silent treatments verbally, via sms, during dinner, dvds and bed time. I guess that's good enough to be peaceful with my marriage. I'm glad she's like that. I'm glad she loves me as much as I can accept, appreciate and absorb. I love her too. ♥

Instead, wait? What are the serious fights we had? She would be angry at little things and I would just laugh it all off behind her back because she's so cute. Have I mentioned she's a jealous chic? Fellow men, I love that she's not a married woman who would pull a mistress' hair in public restaurants or smash my phone when an unknown sexy Eve sent me a message or would go to the extent of enrolling herself into a shooting or martial art class come a hot mama claiming I am the father of her first born. I'm pretty sure she'll just stare at a girl who would try to be hot in front of me and maybe kill her in her brain. The uppercuts and punches she would jokingly throw at me during boxing match tv marathons would sometimes send me into wondering if she'll ever use it given the opportunity, crime and face. Yeah.

I can't predict what will she be like if ever we encounter such a terror scene. But I assure all the women that she'll be harmless, or so I thought. Perhaps I still don't know my wife very well. Maybe she'll dictate all of the Republic Acts of infidelity in my face or surprise me with handcuffs or borrowed epic lines from movies or books with a splash of water or wine or any liquid she can get hold off enough to add to my horror or out of the blue force me and my suspected lover to lay down and have our heads cut off with her chainsaw she would reveal ultimately in her small hand bag. Or maybe she will just get jealous after all. And on with the silent treatment again for a day. 

***

The truth is, if something similar happened to us when we're on our usual romantic date, she will just kill stare that flirt then proceed with her cool but mean comments afterwards she will disclose to no other than me.

"What is she looking at? Didn't she know her lipstick complements the tablecloth? Can't she focused on her semi-handsome, semi-awful date? Pffft.Stare again and you will regret you were born."

"You would say that?" I panicked.

"YEAH." 

Gulped.

I imagine her confrontation dialogue like: "What? Are you provoking me into a cat fight? Come on, I was a trained assasin since I got out of my mother's womb you dumbass!!!"

Of course, I exaggerated once again. 

"Excuse me, would you mind not eyeing on my man 'cause you got yours awkward already. It isn't appropriate, just so you know."

With all her grace and composure, she will caught the lady off guard, drown to her seat, speechless. That's my girl. Dangerously sweet. I'm hands off!

Back to the serious thingy. When was the last time and for what reason she hated and cursed me secretly? We would fight over Facebook, ignored sweet messages, forgotten special dates, overtimes at work, hang outs with friends, late home curfews, cancelled quality times... Have I given a thought that we don't fight over sexual urges? Money matters? In-laws? Exes? Privacies? Newly-discovered flaws? Morning looks? Hail all the saints, I'm the luckiest guy ever married.

With the above list of 'for me this is a serious fight' issues, never in my life I would not be enthusiastic about going home, to my wife. Not to that degree. In most of my shortcomings, the greatest fear of it comes from when she settles herself in the couch for a goodnight's sleep instead of wrapping herself to me. Apart from that, I will still be awaken by her heaven-sent cooking skills, the way she made the scrambled eggs I so much adore, by the coffee she mixed for our breakfast has always gone its way to my stomach's morning emptiness and my lunch box filled with food and love. She would not text me a word of her sweet nothings but still, she would remind me to not skip my meals and at 6 pm, she will beep me to let me know she's on her way home. And when I got home, I will be welcomed by our freshly-made dinner, that very same time of my arrival she would hug and kiss me softly, get my things and slippers, ask how's my day at work and everything happened last fight would now be forgiven and buried underground without the need for words of apologies. But of course, I won't let her think I'm so insensitive, I would say my sincerest "Sorry Darling for causing you trouble once again." Sweet thing. She's the sweet thing, not me.

***

"Sweety, I know you're busy at work and all but please, it's just an hour of asking each other's day. I just want to know how your morning went or if ever you'll extend time to work on something. You make me worried." She said this now facing me. By the way, that's her jerk, I love you lecture.

"I understand Sweety. I'm really sorry."

"Do you love me?" Random checking of feelings strikes again.

 My answer will be forever the same. "I love you, like no other."

"Only me?"

"Of course."

"With all the hot, sexy, pretty singles out there showing their proud cleavages and butts off directly to you, my boy?" I still can't understand why is she insecure. Well, ladies...

"Where? I can't see anyone more awesome other than my wife."

She's grinning. "You're so handsome." Yeah, always the truth. And she doesn't lie. You bet your life.

"Am I?" Beautiful eyes. Goodness, I'm so gay.

"You are. I love you." Music to my ears.

"I love you too. You're the best." I mean it.

Lovely kisses I've ever experienced. Probably the best feeling in the world. Fight-compromise formula dudes, that's the secret.

And I would die to her tickling. OH MAN! Time for some playyy! 

***

What could be the World War III men are declaring about their wives? I'm alienated. I mean, do not find a wife from the army. :)



j.a.f ♥

Remembering My 9'11

Surely it was one story worth writing about -- As always been.

My mind scribbles automatically every magical bits of my seconds with you. I suddenly wished I have paper and pen with me at the moment. Though we are always together, we talk hours over the phone, we make use of every fingers to send sms, we go home together from work, have dinner sometimes, every detail of my activities you know and I spill, same goes for you, I still can't get out the POET in me everytime you're beside me. Part of my reservedness is a barrier called 'you-might-find-me-corny' so to speak, but really, I can't spit words right from my head - the exaggerating effort I force out of myself a failure. It is as if I would melt when you stare at me as I search for words and I am used to keeping everything to myself. Frankly speaking, I find it difficult to say I love you but I've learned and loved to do it not just to assure you or be somehow romantic but because I JUST DO LOVE YOU. 

To start everything off, I knew it had been a tough week for us, or maybe a month? We've been into fights several times. And just like any other fights, I don't know where lies the problem, rather a misunderstanding. I kept asking myself whether you changed (I hope not) or it was me who's experiencing paranoia -- so close to being retarded that I demand every single thing and make big deals out of it. Talk about being a WOMAN! Nature you can blame so but I realized I've known you for so long that if you change the sails of your boat, I knew right there and then what factors made you to become like that or what pushed you to it. So, if anything goes unusual or wrong for me, it triggers my so called 'woman nature' to stick my nose to everything, everything about you.

When we had dinner during our pay day, it was the very first time I did not enjoy what we ate. But it doesn't mean that I didn't enjoy your company, you know I always do. Yet that day was just not good, tough and very dramatic for me. I really felt bad about the tissue thing. I wrote on it about our date and I filled all the spaces with a heavy heart. At first I thought it was not worth writing if it's been a bad day but in time, we would be laughing our ass off while reading all the crazy things we did in the past. When we reminisce in the future, when we realized how stupid we get when we're madly inlove. ♥ When moments like these occur, I know we will not end it without compromising. At the end of the day, I'll say I love you even if I'm the most moody and hard-headed girl in the world, even if how mad I become once and for all, because I'm just mad, not that I don't love you anymore. Get it, get it?

We went to the market this morning after mass with Paps, like what a husband and wife do when they're planning what menu to make for that day or the rest of the week then we rummaged your kitchen. We chopped garlic, onions, onion leaves, pork and tofu, sauteed, mixed and everything you can do in the kitchen and dining. Sometimes we will kiss, hug, giggle, stare at each other, all the while making ourselves imagine what we would become when we enter married life. I wore your shirt, took some photos of our new couple slippers, ate like king and queen then settled ourselves until we were ready to go out and enjoy the rest of our day for our big Sunday date. :) And then we watched a movie which we anticipated to be fun! And it was! We bought coffee and doughnuts, so unusual snack for movies, went window shopping, tried some hats and costumes for the upcoming Halloween. "I wish we are celebrating Halloweens here," I said. And then you replied, "I'll go trick or treat at your house" like kids wanting to have candies on that day. The movie plus the food we brought were all great! Good thing I used to multitask so I didn't get lost with the story while cuddling with you and at the same time, drinking my hot coffee. PERFECT DAY it was. Not to mention we both have our stomachs so full, ready to kick the comfort room's door. But we got home just right on time. Lovely! ♥

The best thing about the day Baby? It's when I got home, alone again for the remaining hours yet I still feel your hands in mine, your lovely kisses and hugs, your smile, sweet nothings and... For the longest time I've been living, I felt how really great it is to be in love, to be loved by someone you love so much in return, to find the best partner, best friend, brother and boyfriend -- to find YOU, to somehow feel your presence even though you're not with me anymore. Thank you will never be enough, but let me say it for I'll never be thankful in my life have you not took the initiative to know me, to like me, to be with me. Thank you. I'm really glad I have you. Babe, I will love you always and forever... Every piece of you, every strand of your hair, every pore in your body.

Xoxo,

ME
18th of Sept., year 2011

Note to self # 1

www.thechangeblog.com

     While I want to dose myself with positive reads this time of my life, I bumped into this very life-changing blog, The Change Blog, to which I subscribed after discovering that I can gain access to the author's blog posts via email. I can tell the difference right away, after reading some of it, mostly bulleted tips in changing your attitude and disposition about everything in life. I couldn't agree more. To my delight, I have also come across to its Facebook page which contains not only the blogs written and posted but also typographies, very inspiring and rational ones and I can't help but post it in my own blog. Watch out for more! :)

Post-it advices # 12

Bubbatealicious, SMF

Alphabet starts with A, B and C and ends with X, Y and Z. Everything in between is up to you.

17 Date Ideas

     Running out of date schemes? Let me share with you these simple ideas on how to make your quality time with your love more meaningful yet friendly to the pocket. Grab a paper and pen and start listing down! Here we go! :)

 

 1. Let your smart phones and laptops rest for a while and be old-fashioned: Spend hours talking over the phone to catch things up with your partner… Talk about everything under the sun. ♥

 

 2. Drop out malling and take your partner for a walk. Aside from taking her to the moviehouse and the usual fast food chains, walk hand in hand in a near park and try to appreciate nature. Why not also try driving downtown instead? ♥

 3. Spend your afternoon watching tv and cuddling with a twist! Eat your favorite ice cream and skip popcorn this time. Perfect for the scorching summer weather! ♥

 4. Try to succeed together or at least be present during your partner’s high moments. “Share your joy and it will be doubled.” ♥

5. Have your unusual fun once in a while. Try random things and you will surely discover something new with your significant other. Ever tried a drinking contest with your girl? ♥

6. Hold hands every chance you get. Never underestimate the power of a simple gesture. Match it with a squeeze to get your partner’s attention and then strike a very sweet chuckle. ♥

 

7. Exchange love letters and store it in a box where you can put all of your couple stuff. Memories last. You can also try writing a short lovely message to every tissue paper from restaurants where you spent your date together. ♥

 

8. Make projects that you both enjoy: Biking, travelling, joining advocacies, cooking or photography… Make sure that you allot a time for your activity. ♥

  9. Indulge yourselves with your favorite food at least once a week. Take it as a reward for your achievements and good deeds. Save for that bigtime treat! ♥

 10. Send sweet messages! Say I love you first thing in the morning, last thing before going to bed, every opportunity… Even during fights. You don’t curse, you don’t hate, you don’t shout at them, ever. Call him/her cute endearments instead. ♥

 11. Make surprises. It does not mean that you have to spend for this. You can sort to dancing in front of them, composing a song or even picking cute little things you can find just around the corner. ♥

 12. Have time to talk your issues and plans over a cup of coffee for a relaxing atmosphere. Black or creamy? You choose. ♥

13. Plan out of towns to get a different environment and to enjoy as well. Go swimming, mountain climbing or even horseback riding. It will surely be fun if you do those together. ♥

 14. Be curious about new things together. Surprise each other with a trivia or a new knowledge you just gained. Learn form each other. ♥

 15. Wear something similar aside from your couple ring. Make it unique. ♥

 16. Remember special occasions and celebrate it with your love. You can also reminisce about your love story to make it more meaningful. ♥

 17. Attend to your favorite band’s concert. Nothing more romantic than singing loudly your favorite song together. ♥

     Lastly, you have to do this together with all your heart and we are all set to a happy date! Stay inlove friends!

Signed,


J.A.F. Happy reading!
*Happy 17th month Babe ILYSM! ♥

Post-it advices # 11

McDonald's, Almar

Never take one for granted.