My kind of dream of a clean LQ

I hope I don't get you male species emotional if you can somehow relate to my imagination.

***

"No goodnight hug and kiss again tonight, Honey?" 

That is me baby talking my wife. 

"Baby, please talk to me... Huhu. :("

And that's how I get desperate for her attention. I just couldn't bear the fact that aside from she's mad at me for the reason we've been dealing for God knows how many times in our life together since boyfriend-girlfriend era, I can't sleep with her back on my face. I just want to hug and kiss her goodnight, that's it. And settle my sin the next day. I'm sure she would forgive me at a random time I can guess.

I tried to hug her from behind until she surrenders. 

Ooopps. Wrong move.

***

It's not that I cheated on her or had a one night stand with a prostitute I met in a bar. I don't even go partying like that and my eyes are intended only for my lovely wife. Of all the reasons of our fight, this very reason of her silent treatment tonight is probably the easiest to deal with, the fastest for her to forgive but not entirely forget and the one that I cannot stop from happening. It's not even shameful to admit. I just well, according to her, replied to her sms 6 times only in my 1 hour lunch break, that would vary on a 6-10-minute gaps before she had her eyes on my very message. Fuck network. Fuck my ringtone. I mean, fuck who invented silent mode. And with that, fuck my ears and sense of vibration. Fuck my fingers for their pace. I guess I'm such a bad ass slow responder. Fuck, fuck, fuck.

With these she would rant: "Still busy on your lunch time eh? Well then go and get yourself busy as a demon in hell with Satan!!!" 

Of course, I exaggerated it because as calm as she may sound in her sentiments, those were the words I hear through my ears. Or I'm just a guilty, shitty husband. 

When she's not in her witchy woman self, she would just meow like a kitten with these words: "Yeah right. You just don't miss me that much. I KNOW. Go to work. Just message me if you want." Message sent attached with all the guilt you can hold, of all the crimes committed in the world. SWALLOOOWWW EEETTT!!! 

Damn. Like I miss you every number in the clock plus the fingers of all the living things could tell. Truth. 

***

The weather is cuddly tonight. In our silence, I am thankful this is not so serious, like the end of my existence in her life. This I consider as our way of spicing up our relationship a bit, a sort of undergoing getting to know you stage once again because I had to make myself good in her eyes for the most part, secretly promising her I will be a better partner. I can't wait for her to face me, to see her flash a smile of mischief that means I have the attitude of a toddler and she'll be so motherly for holding my face. Pinching my nose and tickling my ribs as my penalties for acting such behavior. Then she would kiss and hug me, and tell me she loves me a million hundred times. And then I can sleep with a happy heart. If she's game, we would end the night without our clothes on. *Wink

I would never forgive myself if I hear her silent sobs because that would mean a dangerous love quarrel. Thank heavens it's not something like that tonight.

***

I hugged her again and she didn't move. I kissed and smelled her newly-shampooed, damp hair. God, she smells sooo good. 

"I love you... Please forgive me Babe..."

She switched position, now facing the ceiling. I know any moment now we would be giggling again and be sweet love birds like we just got married this morning. She has not removed my arms in her tummy and I figure out she'll be in her 'hear my lecture you jerk, I love you' speech. And that would make me smile so wide. I so love that part.

For the serious parts of our duel, I'm still confident our relationship would not end to throwing marriage certificates in the trash bin of annulment. Because for all I know, we never ever insulted each other during these hard times. We never shouted words like 'bitch!', 'asshole!' and every goddamn name-calling and we never raised our voices. She didn't have to break a plate or vase or slam the door while my fingers are on the edges of it or shave my mustache up to my skin flesh or kick my balls to her anger. Neither I cheated nor even flirted or get myself a fling with a slutty, headache-source someone and I believe she did the same because we respect each other. She never threaten me of packing her bags or walking away making me an old bachelor for the rest of my life or frighten me by sending me to home for the aged after our future kids have their own lives or the worst of all, leave me with my no-one-knows-but-me-and-God death. Nothing like those kinds of UFC fights or wrestling. Those kinds that would scare me out of my wits, run for my life and make me go back to my mom's cradle. If one of these ever happened to me, I would not even oppose if someone would lock me up in a mental hospital. Just send me there or kill me now or I'll commit suicide or both. Double kill for the win. I'll be like the poor guy in The Man Who Can't Be Moved but my version will be, I'm the DEAD man who can't be moved. Argh!

Yet I'm talking about serious stuff here as silent treatments verbally, via sms, during dinner, dvds and bed time. I guess that's good enough to be peaceful with my marriage. I'm glad she's like that. I'm glad she loves me as much as I can accept, appreciate and absorb. I love her too. ♥

Instead, wait? What are the serious fights we had? She would be angry at little things and I would just laugh it all off behind her back because she's so cute. Have I mentioned she's a jealous chic? Fellow men, I love that she's not a married woman who would pull a mistress' hair in public restaurants or smash my phone when an unknown sexy Eve sent me a message or would go to the extent of enrolling herself into a shooting or martial art class come a hot mama claiming I am the father of her first born. I'm pretty sure she'll just stare at a girl who would try to be hot in front of me and maybe kill her in her brain. The uppercuts and punches she would jokingly throw at me during boxing match tv marathons would sometimes send me into wondering if she'll ever use it given the opportunity, crime and face. Yeah.

I can't predict what will she be like if ever we encounter such a terror scene. But I assure all the women that she'll be harmless, or so I thought. Perhaps I still don't know my wife very well. Maybe she'll dictate all of the Republic Acts of infidelity in my face or surprise me with handcuffs or borrowed epic lines from movies or books with a splash of water or wine or any liquid she can get hold off enough to add to my horror or out of the blue force me and my suspected lover to lay down and have our heads cut off with her chainsaw she would reveal ultimately in her small hand bag. Or maybe she will just get jealous after all. And on with the silent treatment again for a day. 

***

The truth is, if something similar happened to us when we're on our usual romantic date, she will just kill stare that flirt then proceed with her cool but mean comments afterwards she will disclose to no other than me.

"What is she looking at? Didn't she know her lipstick complements the tablecloth? Can't she focused on her semi-handsome, semi-awful date? Pffft.Stare again and you will regret you were born."

"You would say that?" I panicked.

"YEAH." 

Gulped.

I imagine her confrontation dialogue like: "What? Are you provoking me into a cat fight? Come on, I was a trained assasin since I got out of my mother's womb you dumbass!!!"

Of course, I exaggerated once again. 

"Excuse me, would you mind not eyeing on my man 'cause you got yours awkward already. It isn't appropriate, just so you know."

With all her grace and composure, she will caught the lady off guard, drown to her seat, speechless. That's my girl. Dangerously sweet. I'm hands off!

Back to the serious thingy. When was the last time and for what reason she hated and cursed me secretly? We would fight over Facebook, ignored sweet messages, forgotten special dates, overtimes at work, hang outs with friends, late home curfews, cancelled quality times... Have I given a thought that we don't fight over sexual urges? Money matters? In-laws? Exes? Privacies? Newly-discovered flaws? Morning looks? Hail all the saints, I'm the luckiest guy ever married.

With the above list of 'for me this is a serious fight' issues, never in my life I would not be enthusiastic about going home, to my wife. Not to that degree. In most of my shortcomings, the greatest fear of it comes from when she settles herself in the couch for a goodnight's sleep instead of wrapping herself to me. Apart from that, I will still be awaken by her heaven-sent cooking skills, the way she made the scrambled eggs I so much adore, by the coffee she mixed for our breakfast has always gone its way to my stomach's morning emptiness and my lunch box filled with food and love. She would not text me a word of her sweet nothings but still, she would remind me to not skip my meals and at 6 pm, she will beep me to let me know she's on her way home. And when I got home, I will be welcomed by our freshly-made dinner, that very same time of my arrival she would hug and kiss me softly, get my things and slippers, ask how's my day at work and everything happened last fight would now be forgiven and buried underground without the need for words of apologies. But of course, I won't let her think I'm so insensitive, I would say my sincerest "Sorry Darling for causing you trouble once again." Sweet thing. She's the sweet thing, not me.

***

"Sweety, I know you're busy at work and all but please, it's just an hour of asking each other's day. I just want to know how your morning went or if ever you'll extend time to work on something. You make me worried." She said this now facing me. By the way, that's her jerk, I love you lecture.

"I understand Sweety. I'm really sorry."

"Do you love me?" Random checking of feelings strikes again.

 My answer will be forever the same. "I love you, like no other."

"Only me?"

"Of course."

"With all the hot, sexy, pretty singles out there showing their proud cleavages and butts off directly to you, my boy?" I still can't understand why is she insecure. Well, ladies...

"Where? I can't see anyone more awesome other than my wife."

She's grinning. "You're so handsome." Yeah, always the truth. And she doesn't lie. You bet your life.

"Am I?" Beautiful eyes. Goodness, I'm so gay.

"You are. I love you." Music to my ears.

"I love you too. You're the best." I mean it.

Lovely kisses I've ever experienced. Probably the best feeling in the world. Fight-compromise formula dudes, that's the secret.

And I would die to her tickling. OH MAN! Time for some playyy! 

***

What could be the World War III men are declaring about their wives? I'm alienated. I mean, do not find a wife from the army. :)



j.a.f ♥

Remembering My 9'11

Surely it was one story worth writing about -- As always been.

My mind scribbles automatically every magical bits of my seconds with you. I suddenly wished I have paper and pen with me at the moment. Though we are always together, we talk hours over the phone, we make use of every fingers to send sms, we go home together from work, have dinner sometimes, every detail of my activities you know and I spill, same goes for you, I still can't get out the POET in me everytime you're beside me. Part of my reservedness is a barrier called 'you-might-find-me-corny' so to speak, but really, I can't spit words right from my head - the exaggerating effort I force out of myself a failure. It is as if I would melt when you stare at me as I search for words and I am used to keeping everything to myself. Frankly speaking, I find it difficult to say I love you but I've learned and loved to do it not just to assure you or be somehow romantic but because I JUST DO LOVE YOU. 

To start everything off, I knew it had been a tough week for us, or maybe a month? We've been into fights several times. And just like any other fights, I don't know where lies the problem, rather a misunderstanding. I kept asking myself whether you changed (I hope not) or it was me who's experiencing paranoia -- so close to being retarded that I demand every single thing and make big deals out of it. Talk about being a WOMAN! Nature you can blame so but I realized I've known you for so long that if you change the sails of your boat, I knew right there and then what factors made you to become like that or what pushed you to it. So, if anything goes unusual or wrong for me, it triggers my so called 'woman nature' to stick my nose to everything, everything about you.

When we had dinner during our pay day, it was the very first time I did not enjoy what we ate. But it doesn't mean that I didn't enjoy your company, you know I always do. Yet that day was just not good, tough and very dramatic for me. I really felt bad about the tissue thing. I wrote on it about our date and I filled all the spaces with a heavy heart. At first I thought it was not worth writing if it's been a bad day but in time, we would be laughing our ass off while reading all the crazy things we did in the past. When we reminisce in the future, when we realized how stupid we get when we're madly inlove. ♥ When moments like these occur, I know we will not end it without compromising. At the end of the day, I'll say I love you even if I'm the most moody and hard-headed girl in the world, even if how mad I become once and for all, because I'm just mad, not that I don't love you anymore. Get it, get it?

We went to the market this morning after mass with Paps, like what a husband and wife do when they're planning what menu to make for that day or the rest of the week then we rummaged your kitchen. We chopped garlic, onions, onion leaves, pork and tofu, sauteed, mixed and everything you can do in the kitchen and dining. Sometimes we will kiss, hug, giggle, stare at each other, all the while making ourselves imagine what we would become when we enter married life. I wore your shirt, took some photos of our new couple slippers, ate like king and queen then settled ourselves until we were ready to go out and enjoy the rest of our day for our big Sunday date. :) And then we watched a movie which we anticipated to be fun! And it was! We bought coffee and doughnuts, so unusual snack for movies, went window shopping, tried some hats and costumes for the upcoming Halloween. "I wish we are celebrating Halloweens here," I said. And then you replied, "I'll go trick or treat at your house" like kids wanting to have candies on that day. The movie plus the food we brought were all great! Good thing I used to multitask so I didn't get lost with the story while cuddling with you and at the same time, drinking my hot coffee. PERFECT DAY it was. Not to mention we both have our stomachs so full, ready to kick the comfort room's door. But we got home just right on time. Lovely! ♥

The best thing about the day Baby? It's when I got home, alone again for the remaining hours yet I still feel your hands in mine, your lovely kisses and hugs, your smile, sweet nothings and... For the longest time I've been living, I felt how really great it is to be in love, to be loved by someone you love so much in return, to find the best partner, best friend, brother and boyfriend -- to find YOU, to somehow feel your presence even though you're not with me anymore. Thank you will never be enough, but let me say it for I'll never be thankful in my life have you not took the initiative to know me, to like me, to be with me. Thank you. I'm really glad I have you. Babe, I will love you always and forever... Every piece of you, every strand of your hair, every pore in your body.

Xoxo,

ME
18th of Sept., year 2011

17 Date Ideas

     Running out of date schemes? Let me share with you these simple ideas on how to make your quality time with your love more meaningful yet friendly to the pocket. Grab a paper and pen and start listing down! Here we go! :)

 

 1. Let your smart phones and laptops rest for a while and be old-fashioned: Spend hours talking over the phone to catch things up with your partner… Talk about everything under the sun. ♥

 

 2. Drop out malling and take your partner for a walk. Aside from taking her to the moviehouse and the usual fast food chains, walk hand in hand in a near park and try to appreciate nature. Why not also try driving downtown instead? ♥

 3. Spend your afternoon watching tv and cuddling with a twist! Eat your favorite ice cream and skip popcorn this time. Perfect for the scorching summer weather! ♥

 4. Try to succeed together or at least be present during your partner’s high moments. “Share your joy and it will be doubled.” ♥

5. Have your unusual fun once in a while. Try random things and you will surely discover something new with your significant other. Ever tried a drinking contest with your girl? ♥

6. Hold hands every chance you get. Never underestimate the power of a simple gesture. Match it with a squeeze to get your partner’s attention and then strike a very sweet chuckle. ♥

 

7. Exchange love letters and store it in a box where you can put all of your couple stuff. Memories last. You can also try writing a short lovely message to every tissue paper from restaurants where you spent your date together. ♥

 

8. Make projects that you both enjoy: Biking, travelling, joining advocacies, cooking or photography… Make sure that you allot a time for your activity. ♥

  9. Indulge yourselves with your favorite food at least once a week. Take it as a reward for your achievements and good deeds. Save for that bigtime treat! ♥

 10. Send sweet messages! Say I love you first thing in the morning, last thing before going to bed, every opportunity… Even during fights. You don’t curse, you don’t hate, you don’t shout at them, ever. Call him/her cute endearments instead. ♥

 11. Make surprises. It does not mean that you have to spend for this. You can sort to dancing in front of them, composing a song or even picking cute little things you can find just around the corner. ♥

 12. Have time to talk your issues and plans over a cup of coffee for a relaxing atmosphere. Black or creamy? You choose. ♥

13. Plan out of towns to get a different environment and to enjoy as well. Go swimming, mountain climbing or even horseback riding. It will surely be fun if you do those together. ♥

 14. Be curious about new things together. Surprise each other with a trivia or a new knowledge you just gained. Learn form each other. ♥

 15. Wear something similar aside from your couple ring. Make it unique. ♥

 16. Remember special occasions and celebrate it with your love. You can also reminisce about your love story to make it more meaningful. ♥

 17. Attend to your favorite band’s concert. Nothing more romantic than singing loudly your favorite song together. ♥

     Lastly, you have to do this together with all your heart and we are all set to a happy date! Stay inlove friends!

Signed,


J.A.F. Happy reading!
*Happy 17th month Babe ILYSM! ♥

You are beyond my imagination

My head has been filled with crazy, negative feelings lately and it was so ridiculous of me to pinpoint every shortcoming of yours. I still cannot decipher what level of sensitivity I have reached to the point of eyeing even the nonsense facts, marking them on my 'wrong move' list. Foolish.


Nevertheless, as faultfinder as I am, you need not to bribe me with sweets, flowers or any sort of fancy things because trust me, when we fight, it's not your puppy eyes or the sincerity in your apologies that soften my pained heart, but rather it's the fact that it doubles the pain to see you guilty of my charges. The fearless girl who always voices out any inhumane treatment or deed, a woman given the authority would jail criminals and bad politicians would not be of exemption - after all these traits of mine, I would never want to witness you feeling sorry for the things you unintentionally did - because I love you so much. And in times like these, even as mad as I was, remembering all the good and sweet things you are doing for me made me love you even more...

JUNE 2011

Thank you will never be enough but let me list down every single thing that the other girls will have the reason to be jealous of me, having you as the best boyfriend alive - in the whole, wide, world.

• Who would have thought that there are times when you arrive home, hungry and tired, you still choose to talk to me without even bothering removing your shoes first?
• Blessed is your mouth for saying how much you love me always, without the effort from me, forcing you to do it. 
• You don't have the slightest idea how much I appreciate you for staying up late just to talk with me till dawn on the phone, even at times you sounded so sleepy. You still try your best to hear me at my talkative hours.
• Waking up every morning, doing our daily texting routine, work break gaps every 9am, 12nn, 3pm until your dismissal. Squeezing our fifteen minutes, updating each other and feeling the excitement to talk again. Talk about missing you over and over.
• Coming before you when you pick me late from my work, even if I waited a minute or so, you'd still be hugged and kissed because I just wanted you to know how much it means to me how you struggle preparing straight from work just to be with me.
• And how in the world you don't have any vices? I don't have to be jealous of your time with your friends, school, work and others because you give me ALL your time, as if there's no time to sleep, eat, go to the rest room and stuff.
• You never fail to impress me with your dreams and goals in life, sometimes feeling jealous how I cannot be as ambitious as you.
• I like how you hold my hands, like blinking an eye would be the end of the world.
• No one ever made me this confident as you. Being with you makes me the prettiest girl on earth, as far as the animal kingdom and aliens and other out of this world creatures.
• The way you call me names feels like getting noticed by my first ever crush.
• You are so conscious about the way you look but Babe, you're the most handsome guy ever in and out, even with eyes closed, your words are handsome enough for me.
• I love how you can be so jealous like a kid. Just so you know, I love you so much - six feet under, below sea level. 
• What did you do with my Paps and bros? Why all of a sudden they let me go out and date? See, you are so charming. :)
• Kissing my hand means you respect me, the way a boy should respect her mom. And you just give me the right dose of respect a girl needs.
• Growing and learning with you had been the most fun compare to sitting in a classroom.
• You are the only person who I am in no doubt, will stick to a promise.
• Attending mass together feels like rehearsing for our wedding. 'Kiss be with you' as my favorite part.
• Singing for me even if you don't know the lyrics makes me want to jump off a cliff because of so much kilig...
• Promises of being together in the future, like forever really exists.
• Worrying a lot when I am silent for a reason we are both trying to identify. Hearing you say you love me is hundred times much better than hearing a sorry.
• Thank you for always telling me I'm beautiful, even at my most haggard, monster-looking days.
• When I am so tired, you have the right timing to behave, feeling my almost vegetable body like you are a hanger and I am a shirt.
• We never slept together, but your last words on the phone bring you around, hugging me from behind like you are Casper.
• Marrying me is your greatest dream. But no, marrying you is MY greatest dream.
• "I'm hungry Babe." And suddenly you want to deliver me food. Suggesting a pasta which you know I could not resist. Making me more hungry!
• I'm sleepy and the next thing I know you're sleepy too. We do things together even we're far from each other. Cool, isn't it?
• When it rains like this, you remember how I hate this kind of weather. Just the thought of you remembering how I fight the rain back makes me 'hey, that's so thoughtful of you.'
• You called me 'madre' once just because I don't wear too-revealing clothes but you delivered it as if it was a compliment. Thank you for always reminding me that I don't have to prove anything to anyone. 
• PDA for us means kissing me on the cheeks. Sometimes stealing a kiss on the lips.
• I know how much you love cars, especially that Mini Cooper dream of yours. Seeing how hard work you sweat makes me foresee cars on our garage, one for each of us including our pet dog.

*The list just goes on and on.

Jealous girls?

Let me continue this as we go through counting more months and years and decades. I might even write a book someday, telling the world how one person is close to being perfect. God, thank you. Maybe I've been good to deserve him. :)

Happy 7th month (440th day at present). When I say happy, think of exaggerating it. I love you baby. Stay the same. You are beyond my imagination. Thank you. And please, do not cry for God's sake. Hahaha! :D

Meet you at the altar. Soon!

The other side of fairytale

Dear YOU,

I would wonder at times if you think of me as often as I think of you. I sometimes forget that we still have separate lives to deal with, you in your world, me in mine. I am so drawn by our future together that I tend to overlook our individual lives. Nothing wrong there, I assume. I guess it is normal. The terrible part of it is that, I became so selfish. 

Most of the time, I am awakened by the fact that you still have some important activities that do not include me or persons in your life you are close with. I feel jealous when you do things on your own to the point of forgetting or ignoring me, not that it is your intention to do so but rather, it is not your thing to do several things at the same time. I understood it to the deepest of my heart yet it still pains to know that you always forget to remember those simple disappointments of mine and  I always have to remind you for that matter when I expected that you should know it, you should know how I will react to it by then. I am so tired that the only thing left to do is just let it be. Let it be till it hurts no more. Stupid, but that’s the way it is. 

As soon as I open my eyes in the morning, I immediately think of you: How you will fit in my activities, how I will divide my attention between you and other things or how I will survive the day by chance I don’t get to see you. I think of you first thing when I wake up, during meals, while taking a bath, during happy times with friends, when it is raining, when there’s a sweet couple near me,  when my past lover is around, when I read something inspirational, when I spotted a cute and attractive guy, when I’ve experienced something odd or cool, every single second of my existence… Like nothing else matters but you. I would sometimes cry to the thought of you, just because I miss you so much. 

I cannot imagine you in your past without me or my future without you.  Maybe I have loved you more than I have loved anyone, more than my capacity, more than my strength and energy. And I would sometimes feel uncomfortable about it, thinking it would smother you. 

When things go unexpectedly, I pretend to not mind, I believe God has a reason in putting me in this situation, I believe love means you give without asking anything in return. I just pray. 

I wish I could ask you to do the same things for me, as crazy as it sounds. Nevertheless, I have come to accept that you are you and I want you to know that I love you no matter what. And this is me, loving you in my own, selfish way. ♥

10 levels of heartbreak

Google Images

One would most likely thought that our hearts jive to our emotions, that’s why we sometimes hear it sound like a drum being beaten when we are excited, nervous or tired. At times, they seem to have a life of their own, like yearning to detach themselves to our veins and body. With utmost care, I do not desire to come across its literal translation which causes people to meet their eternity, except of course if your boyfriend is Edward Cullen.

Heartaches. Everyone had one heartbreaking experience. Some surpassed it, some carried it to their graves. We always incorporate heartbreak to an end of a relationship. Much to everyone’s surprise, we experience it as early as childhood. Those moments we shed our tears - only to realize they are all part of growing up – so to speak.

Level 1: Childhood Heartbreak

As a child, heartbreak means spilling an ice cream you're about to enjoy, not getting your favorite toy, having a fight with your best friend. All sorts that made you cry. Typically, those were the moments you threw tantrums, you spanked someone, you shouted so loud like you against the world. In the end, only your mom or dad's hugs and comfort will make you any better, equipped with your favorite lollipop.

Level 2: First Love Heartbreak

Growing up, we all experience to be inlove for the very first time. Sadly, most first loves are one-sided, making boys timid and girls careful. If you are an honor student, your apple-of-the-eye would probably be someone from the honor list too, making your affair a little bit of competition. Without a doubt, your parents would disagree to this. If you are an average kid, you adore that cute president of the class or the most valuable player in PE, who would sometimes go for the cheerleader type of girl or the most popular one. Like it or not, you are too young to fall in love and if I were your mom, I would not definitely allow you just like the general would do.

Level 3: Parting Ways With Friends From High School Heartbreak

Everyone had that one friend to whom they've been with for a long time since kindergarten. Every end of the school year, graduation brings tears to those who will migrate to other country or transfer to another school, as well as to the ones who will stay. Letters and photos will be given. And as much as you fear being lonely, you want them to remember you always. Jealous of their new set of friends? That’s life kid.

Level 4: Failed Exam Horror/Heartbreak

What could be worst than receiving your exam paper or report card with a big red F mark on it? Surely, it was one mood destroyer, but it is nothing compared to the horrible scenario of being scolded by your parents or be laughed at by your fellow classmates. Talk about being last in your class. Better luck next time.

Level 5: First Break-up Drama Heartbreak

Next to first love is first boyfriend, which eventually turns to what we call 'first break-up drama.' Most of the people considered their first boyfriend or girlfriend literally a guinea pig. Nevertheless, no matter how childish or immature our past relationships with them, for sure it was like the end of the world the moment we ended our connection with our first ever love. Call it a puppy love as long as you want to, still it leaves us scars that will be useful sooner or later in the next love business.

Level 6: Goodbye-forever-will-visit-you-at-the-cemetery Heartbreak

Nothing more dramatic to watch than a person weeping over the coffin of a lost loved one while "Knock, Knock, Knockin' on Heaven's Door" is playing in the background. And nothing more painful to see a family member, friend or special someone being put six feet under – with no oxygen available. That’s just too scary to imagine. Over time, we'll get through it, yet it will never be the same again without them.

Level 7: To Hire You or To Hire You Not Heartbreak

You graduated with a degree but the real challenge comes when you start to look for job interviews to get a job. The problem with that is you actually have no idea about what your future employer would look like or their impression of you. You are confident and then the next thing you know is it's been a week and still no call from them. And how in the world would you react to that silent rejection?

Level 8: You Lost Something Important Heartbreak

The horrible fact that you don't have the slightest idea where they'd gone to – may it be a book you borrowed from the school library, money bill or a thing as small as an earring. Looking for them is the most difficult thing to do for you don’t know where to start.  Gone now, gone forever.

Level 9: Soon Dying Heartbreak

Who would ever want to discover that they have a cancer, tumor, high blood and the most dangerous illnesses? No one. And it is not much of an interest to go to the doctor too to check signs and symptoms. Who would have the guts to go on knowing you still have months to live? Or days? Talk about committing a suicide.

Level 10: Great Love Heartbreak

Perfect love doesn’t always mean everything is fine and happy. It is when you two had gone through big fights yet you always end up promising each other sweet forevers, no matter what happens.

*In most memories that I could remember, I've been through all of these kinds of heartbreaks. I've been betrayed by my best friend, rejected by my first love, transferred to another school away from my friends, failed an exam, broke-up with my first boyfriend three times, attended some funerals of people close to me, got no job two months after my graduation, lost my lovable dog, been so sick. The last heartbreak goes to the person to whom I'd spend my life with forever. In time, he'll witness every teardrop of mine as I encounter other kinds of breaking moments. He'll be part of it too, I'm sure. But what if all this time of my life, I used to depend to myself and now that I have him, would it be fair to share the same sentiments with him? Or keeping all the sorrows will make a better option? What?

*Follow your heart but take your brain with you - I have long since known this quotation. Evaluating myself, I know I've made smart decisions in my life. Otherwise, I will not reach this maturity of my state. I surpassed every broken promises, betrayal, sharp words. My solutions are credited to my everyday reflection. I've learned to analyze problems and foresee its consequences if I do plan A or plan B. This so far is the greatest mystery I have yet to solve – how to truly love a person, how to accept things within your relationship, how to handle worst situations, or how to bid goodbye if it does come to an end. Nonetheless, the best part of it is you will learn to overlook every negativities that come your way because you know, while you hold his hand, there is another Hand that holds the two of you. Big hands enough to guide and protect you, Hand as tough as the experience from the scar inflicted to Him, Hand that embraces you since your first heartbreak. Look up, you’ll see how he had broken the hearts of many just to save mankind. Great love, it is.

What could be your other experience of heartbreak?

So inlove back then - Super inlove now

21 days before OUR much-awaited big day. As I reminisce, I suddenly remember my first ever note for him in Facebook. Luckily and with God's blessings, we are getting stronger. Together, we learn, mature and enjoy everything. He told me last night, "Before we reach our dreams for one another, we should chase our individual dreams first, for it will be US for the rest of our days." Let me share with you how I felt during our first month together:

To Froi-glet:

In as much as I hate remembering my dream as a musician, I never thought that I would be writing again like this. It never occurred to me that one day, I’d dedicate my handwriting to someone who was once a stranger to me. Writing is one of the many frustrations I have, it is never friendly nor good to me, for the fact that I don’t know how to compose words beautiful enough to say. But as far as I know, one of the best ways of expression is through literature. Composing a song has been an option but it would take much time and effort. It will also mean that I have to sing it for you. That would be a job for a singer, not for a musician. And I don’t like the thought of humiliating this day. In short, I am not a singer. So I thought of writing. I may not pick up the right words to say, but surely you can tell how important you are to me that it triggers the curls of my brain to struggle to the best of my ability to say everything I hardly express.

Dear you, it has been a happy one month since you shared your smile with me. You are very consistent and you still reach for excellence for the subject “Make Jam Happy.” You always took me by surprise though I really don’t like surprises. LOL. I didn’t even know that someone as understanding as you would be alive. Or would even exist. You seem to not know the existence of the word NO because you always say YES to me without even bothering to hear any explanation, because you already understood. That’s so cool. You are so cool. You always think that I’m lovely and pretty. Tell me, what kind of eyes do you have? If not for you, I would still be clinging to the back of the door, scared for what’s been waiting for me. I would not know the feeling of being very confident for the first time. It’s like saying in the morning, “Wake up and let’s go!” without the need of looking in the mirror first. How good does that sound?

Up to this point, I still wonder how in the world God knew what I was looking for. I didn’t ask him anything, but you came. I wish I could share you in some little ways to the other girls, but that can’t be! And maybe, I am just this lucky. But somewhere in this happiness, I ask, ‘how long this would last?’ Well, the hell I care :)

To the deepest of my breath, to the tangles of my hair, to the veins of my heart, thank you.

P.S.

I love you

(big time!)


Xoxo,
Frog

Happy love friends! ♥