The other side of fairytale

Dear YOU,

I would wonder at times if you think of me as often as I think of you. I sometimes forget that we still have separate lives to deal with, you in your world, me in mine. I am so drawn by our future together that I tend to overlook our individual lives. Nothing wrong there, I assume. I guess it is normal. The terrible part of it is that, I became so selfish. 

Most of the time, I am awakened by the fact that you still have some important activities that do not include me or persons in your life you are close with. I feel jealous when you do things on your own to the point of forgetting or ignoring me, not that it is your intention to do so but rather, it is not your thing to do several things at the same time. I understood it to the deepest of my heart yet it still pains to know that you always forget to remember those simple disappointments of mine and  I always have to remind you for that matter when I expected that you should know it, you should know how I will react to it by then. I am so tired that the only thing left to do is just let it be. Let it be till it hurts no more. Stupid, but that’s the way it is. 

As soon as I open my eyes in the morning, I immediately think of you: How you will fit in my activities, how I will divide my attention between you and other things or how I will survive the day by chance I don’t get to see you. I think of you first thing when I wake up, during meals, while taking a bath, during happy times with friends, when it is raining, when there’s a sweet couple near me,  when my past lover is around, when I read something inspirational, when I spotted a cute and attractive guy, when I’ve experienced something odd or cool, every single second of my existence… Like nothing else matters but you. I would sometimes cry to the thought of you, just because I miss you so much. 

I cannot imagine you in your past without me or my future without you.  Maybe I have loved you more than I have loved anyone, more than my capacity, more than my strength and energy. And I would sometimes feel uncomfortable about it, thinking it would smother you. 

When things go unexpectedly, I pretend to not mind, I believe God has a reason in putting me in this situation, I believe love means you give without asking anything in return. I just pray. 

I wish I could ask you to do the same things for me, as crazy as it sounds. Nevertheless, I have come to accept that you are you and I want you to know that I love you no matter what. And this is me, loving you in my own, selfish way. ♥

Post-it advices # 3

Kellen bus, SMF bound

Convert them, you will not gain a thing from an enemy except wrinkle. You don't want that, do you? :]

10 levels of heartbreak

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One would most likely thought that our hearts jive to our emotions, that’s why we sometimes hear it sound like a drum being beaten when we are excited, nervous or tired. At times, they seem to have a life of their own, like yearning to detach themselves to our veins and body. With utmost care, I do not desire to come across its literal translation which causes people to meet their eternity, except of course if your boyfriend is Edward Cullen.

Heartaches. Everyone had one heartbreaking experience. Some surpassed it, some carried it to their graves. We always incorporate heartbreak to an end of a relationship. Much to everyone’s surprise, we experience it as early as childhood. Those moments we shed our tears - only to realize they are all part of growing up – so to speak.

Level 1: Childhood Heartbreak

As a child, heartbreak means spilling an ice cream you're about to enjoy, not getting your favorite toy, having a fight with your best friend. All sorts that made you cry. Typically, those were the moments you threw tantrums, you spanked someone, you shouted so loud like you against the world. In the end, only your mom or dad's hugs and comfort will make you any better, equipped with your favorite lollipop.

Level 2: First Love Heartbreak

Growing up, we all experience to be inlove for the very first time. Sadly, most first loves are one-sided, making boys timid and girls careful. If you are an honor student, your apple-of-the-eye would probably be someone from the honor list too, making your affair a little bit of competition. Without a doubt, your parents would disagree to this. If you are an average kid, you adore that cute president of the class or the most valuable player in PE, who would sometimes go for the cheerleader type of girl or the most popular one. Like it or not, you are too young to fall in love and if I were your mom, I would not definitely allow you just like the general would do.

Level 3: Parting Ways With Friends From High School Heartbreak

Everyone had that one friend to whom they've been with for a long time since kindergarten. Every end of the school year, graduation brings tears to those who will migrate to other country or transfer to another school, as well as to the ones who will stay. Letters and photos will be given. And as much as you fear being lonely, you want them to remember you always. Jealous of their new set of friends? That’s life kid.

Level 4: Failed Exam Horror/Heartbreak

What could be worst than receiving your exam paper or report card with a big red F mark on it? Surely, it was one mood destroyer, but it is nothing compared to the horrible scenario of being scolded by your parents or be laughed at by your fellow classmates. Talk about being last in your class. Better luck next time.

Level 5: First Break-up Drama Heartbreak

Next to first love is first boyfriend, which eventually turns to what we call 'first break-up drama.' Most of the people considered their first boyfriend or girlfriend literally a guinea pig. Nevertheless, no matter how childish or immature our past relationships with them, for sure it was like the end of the world the moment we ended our connection with our first ever love. Call it a puppy love as long as you want to, still it leaves us scars that will be useful sooner or later in the next love business.

Level 6: Goodbye-forever-will-visit-you-at-the-cemetery Heartbreak

Nothing more dramatic to watch than a person weeping over the coffin of a lost loved one while "Knock, Knock, Knockin' on Heaven's Door" is playing in the background. And nothing more painful to see a family member, friend or special someone being put six feet under – with no oxygen available. That’s just too scary to imagine. Over time, we'll get through it, yet it will never be the same again without them.

Level 7: To Hire You or To Hire You Not Heartbreak

You graduated with a degree but the real challenge comes when you start to look for job interviews to get a job. The problem with that is you actually have no idea about what your future employer would look like or their impression of you. You are confident and then the next thing you know is it's been a week and still no call from them. And how in the world would you react to that silent rejection?

Level 8: You Lost Something Important Heartbreak

The horrible fact that you don't have the slightest idea where they'd gone to – may it be a book you borrowed from the school library, money bill or a thing as small as an earring. Looking for them is the most difficult thing to do for you don’t know where to start.  Gone now, gone forever.

Level 9: Soon Dying Heartbreak

Who would ever want to discover that they have a cancer, tumor, high blood and the most dangerous illnesses? No one. And it is not much of an interest to go to the doctor too to check signs and symptoms. Who would have the guts to go on knowing you still have months to live? Or days? Talk about committing a suicide.

Level 10: Great Love Heartbreak

Perfect love doesn’t always mean everything is fine and happy. It is when you two had gone through big fights yet you always end up promising each other sweet forevers, no matter what happens.

*In most memories that I could remember, I've been through all of these kinds of heartbreaks. I've been betrayed by my best friend, rejected by my first love, transferred to another school away from my friends, failed an exam, broke-up with my first boyfriend three times, attended some funerals of people close to me, got no job two months after my graduation, lost my lovable dog, been so sick. The last heartbreak goes to the person to whom I'd spend my life with forever. In time, he'll witness every teardrop of mine as I encounter other kinds of breaking moments. He'll be part of it too, I'm sure. But what if all this time of my life, I used to depend to myself and now that I have him, would it be fair to share the same sentiments with him? Or keeping all the sorrows will make a better option? What?

*Follow your heart but take your brain with you - I have long since known this quotation. Evaluating myself, I know I've made smart decisions in my life. Otherwise, I will not reach this maturity of my state. I surpassed every broken promises, betrayal, sharp words. My solutions are credited to my everyday reflection. I've learned to analyze problems and foresee its consequences if I do plan A or plan B. This so far is the greatest mystery I have yet to solve – how to truly love a person, how to accept things within your relationship, how to handle worst situations, or how to bid goodbye if it does come to an end. Nonetheless, the best part of it is you will learn to overlook every negativities that come your way because you know, while you hold his hand, there is another Hand that holds the two of you. Big hands enough to guide and protect you, Hand as tough as the experience from the scar inflicted to Him, Hand that embraces you since your first heartbreak. Look up, you’ll see how he had broken the hearts of many just to save mankind. Great love, it is.

What could be your other experience of heartbreak?

Post-it advices # 2

Burger King, SM Fairview

Don't just settle for what you know or what they taught you. EXPLORE! :)

100 facts about me ;)

Get to know me better.

#01. My favorite part in chicken is wings.

#02. I have never experienced being held-up.

#03. When I was in grade school, I hate orange juices.

#04. I sooo love reading books, I plan to build my own bookstore someday. :)

#05. I want to enroll in a culinary school and learn gourmet!

#06. I was given a title "Girl Musician" during our 3rd year high school J.S. prom.

#07. I want to try horseback riding.

#08. I can't live without an electric fan.

#09. I can already sense when someone's going to wake me up even before she/he comes near me.

#10. I want to be a nursery teacher.

#11. My favorite movie of all time is 'Edward Scissor Hands'.

#12. I've always wanted to dub animes.

#13. I can type real fast.

#14. I was once addicted to hidden objects game.

#15. My childhood nickname was Jam-jam. :D

#16. The first thing I look in a guy I meet is his feet.

#17. I love Johnny Depp. I've watched almost all his films.

#18. I want to be in politics.

#19. I can draw only if there's a pattern/copy.

#20. My favorite colors are green and brown.

#21. I am very thrifty. :)

#22. I can control any outburst of my emotions.

#23. Only selected people saw me shed tears.

#24. My shoe size is 6.

#25. I was the president of the Science and Technology Club in 4th year high school but I hate Science the most.

#26. My favorite Harry Potter characters are Fred and George Weasley and Severus Snape.

#27. I have never experienced riding on an airplane.

#28. I love God above everything.

#29. I want to learn magical tricks. :)

#30. I have a best friend who is a total opposite of me.

#31. Mindoro is our province but I've never been to Puerto Galera.

#32. Before, I wanted to pursue law.

#33. I am good at household chores but too lazy to start them.

#34. I was televised thrice. :)

#35. My college friends call me 'Jame'.

#36. Twins run in our family. (Wish I'll have them).

#37. I can drink alcohol real hard.

#38. Brown is the color of my eyes and hair.

#39. I am VERY time conscious.

#40. I hate painting and photography, just because I am not good at those.

#41. I never encounter any of my grandpas.

#42. Sometimes, I can swim. Sometimes, I can't.

#43. I dream of becoming a nun when I was little.

#44. I'm interested into cosplaying.

#45. I can be a lonesome.

#46. I had 2 boyfriends and 2 @$^&$*(%*(..........

#47. I can dance. I can sing, only if needed.

#48. My supposedly birth names: VANESSA, MELANIE, RIZALINA.

#49. Harry Potter series over Twilight saga.

#50. I am a frustrated writer.

#51. I'm a regular church goer. Amen to that!

#52. I have a low self-esteem back then.

#53. Detective Conan is my favorite manga series. :)

#54. I don't smoke. I never will.

#55. I write every single thing I need to do because I'm the most forgetful person you'll ever meet.

#56. I was featured in Junior Inquirer when I was 11.

#57. I had my first period in 5th grade.

#58. I can sleep any time of the day even after sleeping for long hours.

#59. I had a sister named Justine.

#60. I had my first ever cellphone when I was in 3rd year high school.

#61. I have all kinds of stationery. You name it.

#62. I like watching boxing match.

#63. I love spaghetti (any pasta will do) so much!

#64. I like English subjects.

#65. I had snake and iguana as pets.

#66. My middle name A stands for Arellano converted from Sy (I'm sort of Chinese).

#67. I am very appreciative. :)

#68. I fell in love with my best friend back then.

#69. I want to build my own theme park.

#70. My favorite make-up is lipstick. 

#71. My dad calls me 'Sang.'

#72. I became 1st honor twice.

#73. I am the youngest among my cousins, both mom and dad's side.

#74. Jenny is my favorite screen name when I was a kid.

#75. I'm good at saving money. :)

#76. My waistline is 24 inches.

#77. I love spicy dishes!

#78. I started playing a musical instrument when I was seven.

#79. I want to be a theater actress and be part of a big production.

#80. I used to collect paper dolls when I was a kid.

#81. Breakfast is my favorite meal of the day. :)

#82. I am not fond of watching Pinoy movies.

#83. Jack of all trades. Master of none.

#84. I can watch the most brutal movie scenes.

#85. I've been in a house with 4 boys all my life, yet no trace of being one of them. :)

#86. Dirty feet, not allowed to jump in my bed.

#87. I want to be a drag racer. Seriously.

#88. I have a POOR sense of direction.

#89. I know how to cook and I'm pretty good at it. Try me :)

#90. I can do french tip nails by myself.

#91. I got an ideal boyfriend. ♥

#92. I love wearing shorts but I seldom wear one. :)

#93. I hate my full name.

#94. I am very organize. OC to the extent.

#95. I can stay up very late but I still manage to wake up very early.

#96. I hate sweating :|

#97. My position when I sleep will last till I wake up.

#98. I am not into sweets.

#99: I like Twitter over Facebook.

#100. I can yawn and produce my own contact solution without being sleepy. :)

Post-it advices # 1

Santolan, MRT Station

You are never too old to dream, to have fun and to discover that age is just a number. ;}

→ Pay it forward ;)

            Inspired people can inspire others. 

            There is no way to teach than to learn first.

In cases of failures, we can draw strength from successful people. Their rags to riches stories encourage us, their struggles turned accomplishments help us to never give-up and do the same. The lesson of overcoming every fear and doubt made every winning man a survivor of fate and life. Like a newly-sharpened pencil would do despite so many uses. 

In famous lines delivered by the achievers of today came the overwhelmingly moving lessons from their experiences gathered while climbing the ladder of success they are now into. “Do your best,” “Have faith in yourself,” “Never say die,” “Follow your heart” and my favorite of all time, “Charge everything to experience,” all words of wisdom contain these messages. 

           Recently, I found this beautiful blog [thingsweforget.blogspot.com] that does not look like any other’s blog – not even mine where you are plainly telling about something. The blog is a compilation of quotations written on post-its, placed on different places. I was inspired to follow the blogger’s simple deed of encouraging people who are mostly in need of motivation to go on and be at their best. 

        And so, I started my own with the help of my loving boyfriend. :)

        It was just last Sunday when we conceptualized everything - from words to doodles to locations. It  was so hard at first but with a little magic and miracle, we are now equipped with inspirational words from different sources. Of course, we also made our own with excerpts from all the good phrases we combined in words.

        And what is your role here?

      You might want to check your surroundings, you’ll never know when will you need to see something that will answer your dilemmas or maybe a sign that you are waiting for. You can also share it with your friends. And don't foget to come back to my blog to check out what we have been posting for the last few days as you encounter our little post-it advices. Have a nice day! :)